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East Side Pies fights back

Friday, December 9, 2016 by Caleb Pritchard

A quick break from our normal hyperlocal civic programming to bring you an update about pizza. The year 2016 has undeniably been an extended letdown for many, but proving that things still have yet to reach rock bottom, the abysmal annum most recently dragged into its muddy depths local pizzeria East Side Pies. This week, the homegrown chain found itself wrapped up in #pizzagate, the bizarre case of internet conspiracy theory that somehow crossed over into our four-dimensional reality (sans reptilian overlords) when a gunman entered a popular Washington, D.C., pizza joint. On Wednesday, news broke that #pizzagate adherents – who are convinced they have uncovered a hidden connection between Hillary Clinton, child sex trafficking and hipster pizza parlors – had identified East Side Pies as part of the nefarious plot. Noah Polk, co-founder of the chain, has confirmed that his business has since become the victim of a campaign of harassment at the hands of the #pizzagaters. Not one to take the madness of the situation – and of 2016 as a whole – sitting down, Polk on Thursday morning announced East Side Pies’ new Anti-Bullying Special. The promotion will allow customers to add an extra dollar for every East Side pie they buy. The proceeds will go to the nonprofit Creative Action, “which helps support anti-bullying efforts and after-school programs in and around Austin,” according to a press release. In our unbiased opinion, no more bullying and a mouthful of pizza seem like a pretty good way to ride out the rest of the year.

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